Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I have already put on my inside pants.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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