Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
