508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
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