never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
i now understand why vodka
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
