Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize