The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
