I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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