we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
It's never too late to be topless.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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