those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
