its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
