Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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