i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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