i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i love accidental penises.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
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