I wish you could order shots online.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
not ubering you a puppy
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
