the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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