so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
