oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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