When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
You have to summon your inner elephant
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
