I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
