Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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