im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
