how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
