Just fell off a train. Bad.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
