Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
