Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
So many bounce houses so little time
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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