I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
