I need help removing her.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
