Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize