any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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