she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
When did we convert life to cartoon?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Randomize
