yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
