Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
