three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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