don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
