I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
