At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
