i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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