yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
