hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
she pinky promised me she was 18
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
