Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
where does the pee come out of this thing
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
