i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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