ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
