I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
