I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
love makes seman taste better
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Randomize
