i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
