I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
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