I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
