JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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