I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I need water and some morals
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
