I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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