Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
