I just cut my nipple shaving
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Randomize
