dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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