I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
