i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
