He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize