He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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