i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize