Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
