I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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