I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
