oh god the rape fog is back!
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
