this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
