phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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