he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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