yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
