Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize