Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
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