Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
