we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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