You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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