dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
