Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
