we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
