Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
