i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
