just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
MIDGETS
????
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
