I need to stop coming to work sober
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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