The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
