I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize