Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
