I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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