Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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