I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Randomize