Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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