oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Mom said you looked used
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
