I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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