I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
