i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
