Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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