I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
