Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
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