I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
