You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Sorry about my life...
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
