You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
