idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
