The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
