I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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