The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
